Round Rooms

Once i followed a man to an island.
He found us a round room to live in
surrounded by potatoes, rasberries and greens,
twin blonde horse beauties on a diet,
and a long steep dirt drive.

In the beginning it was wet.
Awefully wet for summer. And cool.
And the stove, meant to keep us warm, filled the round room with smoke and paraffin fumes when we used it.

One day I burned a fire until all the paraffin was off the stove.
I sat outside and played guitar
imagining the purification of that round room.

My lungs slowly started feeling better.

We dug up a patch of grass and planted stuff.
Built a fence with sticks to keep the dogs and deer out.
It didn't work too well.
The deer laughed at it.
The dogs didn't even see it.

We pooped in a bucket that sat under a bench and toilet seat.
My favorite part was the ceremonial spreading of cedar sawdust over the poo.
That was neat.
My least favorite part was the dumping of the bucket when it got full into the compost heap.
That was scary.

Pete did it most of the time. He's sweet.

My days consisted of guitar, walks, swimming, dog play and meeting the folks that lived on Tap Root Farm past the garden. Lu Lu, Sarah, Andrea, Thomas, Jen and Anne, Makala, Nathan.

Then I got cabin fever.

It took a month of nothing I "had" to do before it came on.

It was weird because there I was in a beautiful place with a beautiful man and gradually I went from feeling beautiful and free to feeling quite ugly.
Angry. Obsessive. Understimulated. Frustrated. Suffocated. Those are other things I felt at times.

So I got myself some work.
Three jobs actually.
I cleaned some houses
and washed some dishes
and waited some tables.

It helped. I like people.

We learned some guitar and banjo duets. That was cool.

I did learn that I can't be someone's everything.
It starts to get hard to breathe.
I start to feel the walls moving in.
I know the feeling well.

Vescica Pisces.
The vessel of the fish.
The place where two separates intermingle,
a symbol representing sacred marriage.

Ahhh, yes, the marriage, rather than the merging of opposites.

The struggle to not lose one's self, but retain individuality.
Retain personal power and gifts.

Ahhh, the reward for finding balance in this way.

Beauty, creativity, and grace
flow from this union because
of these differences.

Round rooms are nice and circles can bring strong lessons.
Its remembering those lessons that can be the callenge.

V'im lo ach-shav ay matay
(If not now, when.)