Me, Yo, Self, I, Reflection

I kind of like the self-portrait challenge I've seen on some friends' blogs. I'm not entirely sure what its all about but...I like it. Maybe its the leo in me. I like me. I like to see me and I like to think about me and what I have done and what I will do and what I can do to make me a better me. It sounds selfish...maybe. Maybe. Its art though and its moments caught that noone can know but me.

There are stories behind the photo: the photographer, the background sounds, smells, and feelings. I like looking and remembering, tasting, smelling and feeling the moments. Was I happy? Healthy? Busy? Relaxed? Sad? ? In love? Out of sorts? In my body? I Like the idea of posting a picture and writing about some aspect of that picture. I like challenges. I like being asked to think and go inside and share. The vulnerability is scary, but what the hey...



Orcas Island August 2005:

With every slam into the earth a bit of my anger was absorbed by her. What the heck was I so angry about? Mad at Pete, or so I thought. Slam! He's so.... Slam! Why does he... Slam! I hate when he... Slam! What was it? Was I being sensitive? Over analytical? Stubborn? Can't remember exactly. I was mad and hurt by something he hadn't a clue he did.

I loved cutting into that grass, imagining the rocks that would sit in the hole I was digging. They would be very hot rocks...carried from a big, erratic flame by a piece of metal and dropped into the pit I was creating.

They would burn the soil when placed there.

There would be a smell that would only be familiar in ancestral parts of the brain and the rocks would sit there red and sizzling and waiting.

That was me. Red, hot, angry...waiting for something. Then the moment would come when a group of people would surround the rocks, naked, with intention. Intention for cleansing, healing, challenge, pain, renewal, newness...a feeling of comfort with the naked bodies and spirits around them. Monumental. Unforgettable. Life changing. Perspective offering. Sweat.
Somehow the act of creating the sweat--structure and vessel--gave me the perspective I needed to stop being angry. To put the tool down and walk over to the man I love and say, from the depths of my heart, "hey...lets talk, I am feeling hurt".
The conversation did happen, on a huge trampoline. But thats another story.

A Gardenlicious Dinner for Four

Can you see the love that went into these beauties? It is an incredibly rewarding feeling to put hours and hours of time, sweat, thought, care, money, and soul into creating a garden and eventually taste the fruit of your labor. Charlie and Emily were going to come over after a visit to Hurricane Ridge on a beautiful August day.
With this in mind I, excitedly grabbed Finny and entered my crazy overgrown garden of gratitude. First, I entered the forest of the tomatoes. The Sungolds have been feeding us sweet goodness for a while now, but the heirlooms are just beginning to ripen. I nervously harvest our very first one! Wasn't sure how to tell when they are completely ripe. Ah, but isn't it a beauty!
When I wandered over to the two fading potato plants, I made a big decision: we needed potatoes to go with dinner and its time to dig in to the earth and see what these odd plants have done. And then I wondered about the many ways I could prepare them. In my creative state, picturing, tasting, imagining how they would taste best, my eyes caught the basil glistening in the sun...PESTO!!! I had just made some the night before...perfect. This particular kind of harvest was a new experience for me. I carefully loosened up the soil with a hoe, hoping that I wouldn't damage the starchy, purple, swollen root balls. The absolute best part was diving in, hands first into the sea of soil and curiously swimming through it wondering what I would find. I really didn't know. There could have been a couple of golf ball sized taters or bigger. With no expectections I swam, I sifted, I moved the earth, seeking its kind creations. And a proud mama I was indeed! And the meal was perrrrrrrrfect!

Sunflowers in the Midst of a Sun Starved Summer

This summer has been challenging. The challenge exists in a number of forms.

One is that I worked hard. And by hard I don't mean I worked my muscles and bones and sweat hard. Working hard, in this case, meant running around making sure everything was in order and stayed in order so that families and kids were happy with the programming we were providing. I coordinated the hell out of summer programs. I rocked those summer programs and now I feel worked. Working hard meant playing less though. Weekends were far and few between and when they came, they seemed to leave again far too soon. And now we are here in August, almost the end, and finally, finally things are slowing down.

A second challenge was the weather this summer. We are having an unusually cool, wet summer here in the Northwest. I know it's not true for all Northwesterners, but many of us NEED the warm, dry days of summer to finally get the cool damp out of our bones and help us feel alive and healthy. The balance of the seasons here is part of what I love about it. Cool, damp, green winters give way to warm, dry and still-green-with-speckles-of-a-zillion-flower-colors summers. What will I do if the warm days dont come and bathe us throughout September?


I will go to Italy and France.

I bought myself a huge birthday present with some birthday gift money, and other money I simply don't have, but will have to manifest for this special gift to ME. Warm Italy calls my name in such a big way I can hardly stand the wait...ten days from today I fly out to Paris. Hope to grab Lacey and head south to Italy to see Matteo and hop around Italy. Time will tell how that adventure unfolds.

I live for a thousand reasons but most vividly, these days: my garden and Mr. Finno (and P,J&T of course). That's Huckberry Finn, the sweet super feline who Jedi has fallen in love with and Tallis is still deciding how she feels about. Here is a glimpse of the sweetness that melts my heart when this kitten and dog play.



The heirloom tomatoes in our garden are beginning to show some red and purple hues to their skin. A sign of the deliciousness that will come. Shit, I hope I am not away for their ripening. The sungolds are so wild they are knocking over my homemade support network. Little green moons everywhere that sleep in a green bed by night and turn into bursts of orange and yellow when the sun peeks its pretty face.

A real deal compost palace. Pete wants to name it Cedargrove...I told him someone already claimed that name, but he didn't care. Thing is, its literally in a cedar grove. The picture is Pete's desire that it look like the old logging pics where the people look serious about their tools and their work. The only thing I am serious about is composting a shit-ton so we can feed our garden with it next season.

Okay I am also serious about other things like wanting to begin work on our house and having a baby in the next few years and living abroad and eating healthy food and living somewhere I can afford and being less stubborn in disagreements with my sweetie and believing and trusting and accepting and loving and being wild and being silly and being creative. I am serious. If I am serious and I will it and I trust it and believe it, anything can be.